The Surprising Reason You’re Upset

We have news for you: your partner likely has nothing to do with how hurt you feel.

When you’re this hurt and convinced your partner is the cause of your pain, you’re almost certainly projecting. And when you project, you wholeheartedly believe your problem is one thing, but it actually comes from something else.

Projection happens when we blame our partners for old hurts. We don’t do it consciously. Conflict triggers unresolved issues from our past – including childhood wounds and disappointments from previous relationships.

It FEELS as if the other person is the cause of our upset, because, after all, he or she is right there with us and so they must be the problem. What else could it be?!

But projection keeps us from understanding the true source of our pain.

When you’re convinced your partner is to blame, you’re unable to see how your past has contributed to what you feel in the present moment. You cast a blind eye to the fundamental issues that are triggering you now.

Moreover, projection prevents us from resolving those underlying issues, thus recycling the same negative patterns again and again. And unless you recognize and address the projection, you will keep repeating the same patterns in this relationship or from partner to partner – preventing you from truly moving on from fights and authentically connecting with those you love.