One thing that has been seriously helpful in diagnosing the toxicity in a family dynamic has been going back to the sources. Aside from Susan Forward’s seminal Toxic Parents, available in PDF online, psychological articles abouttoxic families and dysfunction and books like Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, Healing The Child Within, and the more recent Difficult Mothers have all been helpful in different ways. More generally, books like Nancy Friday’s My Mother, Myself have been recommended as helpful for general dysfunction involving mothers and daughters, with the caveat that it is slightly dated.
Self help is a foundational step towards healing. Talking to a pro therapist is great when you need to contain those old wounds. Sometimes clients experience a getting worse stage before things start to feel better.
If finding a therapist is inconvenient to your purse, try asking your GP for budget friendly student rates.