Connecting with people

Friendship can be a complex relationship. Some people make friends better than others. Some people find it difficult to be genuine without being judged. I think some people even fear rejection. ..So sometimes we may hide behind a mask or even refuse to trust and open up.

Friends are important, they help us feel appreciated and especially when we pluck ourselves up and move across the country, having a stable friendship circle can really help us move on with our family life and build on our dreams.

This is why, when couples newly marry, its so important to makesure both spouses are able to have their own healthy social circles, making good friends is a key reason in not moving away again.

sometimes in the busy times we live in, we tend to forget to keep in touch with friends and family and its always reassuring to reassess ones friend’s or family needs and responsibilities.

Some of us may be anxious at attending social functions and re-establishing friendships, so sometimes some people tend to go to quieter places like libraries and small cafes and tend to not socialise outside of ones work circle.

 

What sorts of qualities do you admire in a friend?

  • The ability to stand up for yourself or to a bully?
  • The ability to respect other people’s boundaries?
  • Being there in times of need or distress?
  • Empathy? and being sensitive
  • Being able to tell you the truth without casting judgement
  • Patience?
  • Outgoing and adventurous
  • Trustworthy and honest?
  • Secure financially and cultivates success?
  • Helpful?
  • A colourful personality?

According to the Mayo Clinic, friendships can boost happiness, encourage a healthy lifestyle, reduce stress, improve self-confidence, help in coping with trauma, and much more.

Lets look at the following scenarios, Lets say a friend who in general you consider very intelligent, keeps forgetting small things, like a cell phone or a key, and then one day remembers to bring it, do you praise him? do you reinforce this positive behaviour, or are you more accustomed to reminding him how much he lets the team down when he causes unneccesary delays? Have you wondered what if he was suffering from autism and he didn’t want to disclose that he struggles with his organizational skills?

If you are unpleased with something, do you make vague statements like ” Why did you do that?” instead how could you deliver your unhappiness at pinpointing the concrete problem, like “I was unhappy when you slammed the door really loudly and woke the sleeping babies up.’

Can you work on more ways in which you can adapt the ways you vent displaced anger, or manage personal or work frustrations without making the friend feel like they are belittled or attacked or in your way

 

If you notice an increase in difficult behaviors in a friend, what would you do?

  • What if you had known them for a long time?
  • What if they were new to your friendship circle?
  • Could it be that new behaviors that are unusual could indicate an increase in stress?
  • How would you approach him in conversation?
  • what self awareness skills could be important at this time?

Usually misbehavior is the result of efforts to survive experiences which may be confusing, disorienting, or frightening.

Are you afraid of how you would react if a friend were to insult you? or criticize you?

What positive feedback loops can help at this time?

Perhaps at first create an internal barrier, where you dont take such hurtful words at heart or too personally.

How do you really feel about your friends snide comments about you, to you or in your absence?

If you could go back to a moment where you cold rectify a situation, what happened and what could have changed?

Ideal traits contributing to healthy connections.

Looking beyond personal benefit.

Avoiding assumption during prior mental assessments while mingling.

Avoid relaying messages, stick to short concise texts and prefer phone calls if you can’t meet in person.

Try to avoid repetitive verbal arguments, sometimes wanting to be right may come across as egotistical

Prepare yourself or friend for possible different environmental changes when mingling.  Most minglers experience some form of worry or concern, and how they are being perceived, sometimes mentally preparing yourself for new environments without the close friend you pair off with or group off with during the evening might be a possibility, so keep rewarding yourself and overcoming those mini milestones of confidence.

 

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