Moving on from the past….

Hi, I hope you’re well. I thought we could just touch upon a common topic, its for general therapeutic purposes, if this is not a suitable subject matter for you please ignore it.
I thought we could discuss a few things about moving on from the past, over someone like a close relative who is no longer close, a former best friend or an ex partner.

it would be great if you could share some thoughts upon
1) Having an unresolved relationship from the past. Often, we project or act out experiences/losses/issues from our past in our current relationships — i.e., if we always longed for a closer relationship with our father, we might repeat this behavior by pursuing a relationship even if it is clearly over.
Do you feel that old family patterns interfere in your present relationships? How could you better understand whats happening, how could we consider changing how they affect you? how they affect your expectations from a relationship?

2)Have you thought about studying your attachment style?
each of us develops an attachment style, if our caregivers comforted us while we were in distress, we are less likely to have an anxious attachment style . could you perhaps identify who was your caregiver? how did they respond to you when you needed them when you were younger? do you feel that you find it hard to cope when you break up with someone, do you feel angry at the break up, do you find it hard to overcome the seperation with them, what coping methods do you use to comfort yourself during the void?
remember, none of this is your fault. This is important because i want you to know, I am not abandoning you, nor am I rejecting you or your methods, just thinking about become abit more self aware.

3) What could you have done differently if you were given a second chance at the relationship? what could you have done differently if the person was back inyour life and why?

4)Do you still feel emotionally drawn to them? what feelings are underlying? why was it something they did for you or gave to you that no one else could?

5) What was it about this relationship that had such an impact on you?

6) There maybe a backdoor reason why your ex is not good for you, if it happened that tommorow your ex wanted to get back together with you, what would your hesitations be?

7) Have you thought about choosing a different partner, what qualities would they have.

8) Lets say your ex breaks up with you, how do you handle that emotionally? how to you dispel painful feelings of abandonment, do you find that you blame the ex? does it help the feelings of pain by blaming them? how could you change the way in which you handle conflict

9)communication skills, listening skills, problem-solving skills, and letting-yourself-be-loved skills – are all important in enhancing our impact within a relationship. Which of these skills would you like to gain an insight on?

10) What have you learned about yourself from this break up- or loss, are these feelings about your ex or actually about you?
How could you plan on moving forward?

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