All posts by nnfol

About nnfol

Trained and Qualified British Counselor. With 10 years experience. Over 200 hours of supervised therapy. Skype sister_haleema.

resilience quotes

SUCCESS IS NOT FINAL, FAILURE IS NOT FATAL: IT IS THE COURAGE TO CONTINUE THAT COUNTS.

Winston S. Churchill

CHARACTER CANNOT BE DEVELOPED IN EASE AND QUIET. ONLY THROUGH EXPERIENCE OF TRIAL AND SUFFERING CAN THE SOUL BE STRENGTHENED, AMBITION INSPIRED, AND SUCCESS ACHIEVED.

Helen Keller

THE MOMENT YOU DOUBT WHETHER YOU CAN FLY, YOU CEASE FOREVER TO BE ABLE TO DO IT.

Sir James Matthew Barrier

I’M ALWAYS PERPETUALLY OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.

Tory Burch

I LEARNED THAT COURAGE WAS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR, BUT THE TRIUMPH OVER IT. THE BRAVE MAN IS NOT HE WHO DOES NOT FEEL AFRAID, BUT HE WHO CONQUERS THAT FEAR.

Nelson Mandela

ALL THINGS WHICH GREATLY HURT ME GREATLY TEACH ME.

Karen Salmansohn

IT IS HARD TO FAIL, BUT IT IS WORSE NEVER TO HAVE TRIED TO SUCCEED.

Theodore Roosevelt

STRENGTH DOES NOT COME FROM WINNING. YOUR STRUGGLES DEVELOP YOUR STRENGTHS. WHEN YOU GO THROUGH HARDSHIPS AND DECIDE NOT TO SURRENDER, THAT IS STRENGTH.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

PERSEVERANCE IS FAILING 19 TIMES AND SUCCEEDING THE 20TH.

Julie Andrews

A HERO IS AN ORDINARY INDIVIDUAL WHO FINDS THE STRENGTH TO PERSEVERE AND ENDURE IN SPITE OF OVERWHELMING OBSTACLES.

Christopher Reeve

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE UNTIL IT’S DONE.

Nelson Mandela

YOU CAN’T BE THAT KID STANDING AT THE TOP OF THE WATERSLIDE, OVERTHINKING IT. YOU HAVE TO GO DOWN THE CHUTE.

Tina Fey

IT TAKES A GREAT DEAL OF BRAVERY TO STAND UP TO OUR ENEMIES, BUT JUST AS MUCH TO STAND UP TO OUR FRIENDS.

J.K. Rowling

SUCCESS CONSISTS OF GETTING UP JUST ONE MORE TIME THAN YOU FALL.

Oliver Goldsmith

STUDENTS MUST HAVE INITIATIVE; THEY SHOULD NOT BE MERE IMITATORS. THEY MUST LEARN TO THINK AND ACT FOR THEMSELVES – AND BE FREE.

Cesar Chavez

I AM NOT AFRAID OF STORMS, FOR I AM LEARNING HOW TO SAIL MY SHIP.

Louisa May Alcott

WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN AN OBSTACLE AND AN OPPORTUNITY? OUR ATTITUDE TOWARD IT. EVERY OPPORTUNITY HAS A DIFFICULTY, AND EVERY DIFFICULTY HAS AN OPPORTUNITY.

J. Sidlow Baxter

EVERY STRIKE BRINGS ME CLOSER TO THE NEXT HOME RUN.

Babe Ruth

THE FUTURE DOESN’T BELONG TO THE LIGHT-HEARTED. IT BELONGS TO THE BRAVE.

Ronald Reagan

WE GAIN STRENGTH, AND COURAGE, AND CONFIDENCE BY EACH EXPERIENCE IN WHICH WE REALLY STOP TO LOOK FEAR IN THE FACE…WE MUST DO THAT WHICH WE THINK WE CANNOT.

Eleanor Roosevelt

THE VERY THINGS THAT HOLD YOU DOWN ARE GOING TO LIFT YOU UP.

Timothy Mouse in Dumbo

IT IS BEING HONEST ABOUT MY PAIN THAT MAKES ME INVINCIBLE.

Nayyirah Waheed

YOU MAY NOT CONTROL ALL THE EVENTS THAT HAPPEN TO YOU, BUT YOU CAN DECIDE NOT TO BE REDUCED BY THEM.

Maya Angelou

USE PAIN AS A STEPPING STONE, NOT A CAMP GROUND.

Alan Cohen

FEAR OF FAILURE IS THE FUEL OF ACHIEVEMENT. IF YOU WEREN’T AFRAID TO FAIL, YOU PROBABLY WOULDN’T BE HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO WORK AT THE LEVEL THAT MOST OF US HAVE TO WORK AT TO DO WELL.

Ruth Simmons

Weight loss booster in one week

ocean with rock formation under starry night
Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com

Losing weight can be difficult during high stress levels or depression. Its essential to bring one’s conscious into a deep relaxed state. The aim of this booster is to ignite the passion to exercise and become healthier and stronger long term. Please do not try this for more than 7 days and please consult a doctor if you have any concerns. If you are pregnant, breastfeeding or have a prior condition please use caution and seek professional guidance.

The key to this week long program is the diet and nutrition.

Day One

Drink Senna tea (less than a teaspoonful of loose leaves in a big cup)  ~ the key to senna tea, is to not only infuse the tea in hot water but to reheat the tea in the microwave for a maximum of 2 minutes. The maximum amount of senna passes through the water this way. Add some honey and drink. Within 6-8 hours there maybe a strong bowel movement.

Drink one cup of green tea or black coffee, alittle sugar or honey is fine.

exercise steadily – this could be a 30 minute walk on the spot, or step ups on the stairs. and lots of stretching.

Planks on hands and knees 4 times for 20 seconds each plank.

at around 11.30 am have your first meal. It can be anything from 2 slices of toast with Jelly or eggs scrambled. It should be filling.

 

Late lunch/early dinner

Beef burger in a burger bun. one condiment. Perhaps some salad on the side, but no french fries.

One cup of juice, water, tea, or coffee with something sweet, like one cookie. Instead of having a cheat day, we incorporate small treats throughout the week, here we need to be careful not to be indulgent, so instead of having 5 small cookies have a maximum of 2.

Day 2

Meal prep

Bolognese, make bolognese the usual way, but once its cooled, divide into 5 containers and freeze, these can be used throughout the week, some of it can be added to taco mix, and some of it can be used in soup.

Carrots and cucumbers and hummus, to be eaten throughout the week.

Grapes, almonds, mineral water.

Chicken curry, dice chicken breast and brown, add some ginger garlic paste and fry in alittle oil add some masala spices, and then add a tin of tomato soup or squeeze some tomato puree or add a pasta sauce. you can add alittle cardamom powder and cumin (if you dont have masala spices), fry onions in a seperate pan and stir in one teaspoon of salt. Mix it all together, and simmer for 15-20 minutes till the breast has become tender.

Again let this cool down and divide it into containers. and store in the coldest part of your fridge, have it within 48 hours. (Day 2 and day 3)

Boil rice or pasta and this can be added to either the bolognese or the chicken during dinner or lunch times.

Day 2 involves having flavourful dishes, such as tacos, bolognese or chicken tikka curry, its okay to have carbs such as rice, or pasta, but the key to each meal is, portion size.

The challenge here, is to put enough food that will cover 1/3 or your plate. Before starting to eat drink one whole glass of milk, or water. Finish your meal off with something sweet.

Exercises:

Yoga for 20 minutes

Planks this time, perform a variety, side planks on knees and makesure you lift up the waist on each side 3-6 times, holding each plank for 10 seconds. Do planks on elbows, full body plank for 30 seconds.

Pressups on knees – 20 times.

Bellydance ondulations and internal hip circles, look up online. For 5 minutes.

Day 3

Senna tea, this time only a small cup

Coffee, tea, any carb, some fruit.

Delay first full meal till 11.30, this can be pasta, or rice with chicken.

Yoga for hips and back pain. (20 minutes is enough). Rehab with a hot water bottle, place it on your lower back and glutes, and then do some streching.

Meal – Pasta, bolognese, chicken,

 

Day 4

No Senna tea, breakfast as usual today.

snack – almond milk with a little spirulina and maca powder.

Lentil soup with some of your chicken or beef, add cinnamon and spices of your choice.

Start your exercise routine with 10 minutes of yoga (videos can be found on youtube) makesure you stretch and loosen the lower back and hips and knees and follow a suitable warm up

Today you will do a hiit workout for 17 minutes.

 

Day 5 follow diet from day 1

exercise routine is HIIT for 13 minutes, then do abdominal work, situps, crunches, planks with some ballet pliate with weights (wide leg squats)

Day 6

You can have pizza for dinner and some ribs if you have been good all day. No senna tea today. But only have skimmed milk in hot drinks and meals if recipes call for milk.

1 hour of walking and belly dance ondulation and internal hip circles, it involves contraction of the lower abs, then left glute, lift hip and then contract lower back and drop hip, the . contract right glute and lift hip, then drop and contract the lower ab, this should be done for 10 minutes. Planks and russian twists, Perform major muscle group exercises with weights, like the burpee and then as you stand up lift weight above the shoulder. Lunges, and then do tricep extensions or rows.

Day 7

Same as day 1.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New coping tool; JIGSAW PUZZLES

Improved Memory

Solving puzzles helps reinforce existing connections between our brain cells. It also increases the generation of new relationships. This, in turn, improves mental speed and thought processes.

Jigsaw puzzles are especially good for improving short-term memory. Our short-term memory helps us remember shapes and colors and visualize the bigger picture to figure out which pieces will fit together.

This is just one of the many health benefits that come with regularly solving jigsaw puzzles. Learn more here.

Better Problem-Solving Skills

The ability to creatively solve problems and think critically is greatly valued in the workforce. Puzzles help us develop all of those important skills.

Puzzles require us to take different approaches to try and solve a problem since there’s a lot of trial and error involved. We also learn the value of formulating theories, testing hypotheses, and changing our perspectives when something doesn’t work out according to plan.

All these skills can easily be transferred to our work life to make us more innovative and adaptable employees.

Improved Visual-Spatial Reasoning

When solving a jigsaw puzzle, we have to look at different pieces and figuring out where they fit within the larger picture. Doing this regularly helps improve our visual-spatial reasoning.

Better visual-spacial skills help with a number of everyday tasks, including:

Driving a car (parking, switching lanes, etc.)

Packing and figuring out how many items can fit in boxes, suitcases, or the trunks of our cars

Using a map

Visual-spatial ability is also important for people who work in certain fields, such as:

Architects

Engineers

Chemists

Artists

Surgeons

More Education Opportunities

Crossword puzzles and other word games provide great educational opportunities. They help us improve our vocabulary, as well as our language, research, and spelling skills.

You’re never too old to challenge yourself by learning new words and phrases, and puzzles provide a fun way to accomplish that.

Increased IQ

Puzzles provide improvements to our vocabulary, memory, and overall reasoning. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that one of the other benefits of puzzles is that they help raise our IQ (intelligence quotient).

One researcher from the University of Michigan even found that adults could boost their IQ by four points after spending 25 minutes a day playing puzzle games.

Delay Dementia and Alzheimer’s

Even if you don’t care about raising your IQ, keeping your brain active with puzzles can help delay the symptoms of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

Studies show that keeping the mind active through puzzles and other problem-solving activities can reduce the amount of brain cell damage that occurs in Alzheimer’s patients. It also supports the growth of new nerve cells and strengthens the connections between them.

Researchers have also found a correlation between the number of years someone has been solving puzzles and the likelihood that they will develop Alzheimer’s. So, the sooner you start making puzzles a regular part of your life, the better. It’s never too early to start protecting your brain.

Improved Mood

Another one of the benefits of puzzles is that they increase our brains’ production of dopamine.

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that regulates mood and feelings of optimism. It also affects memory, concentration, and motivation.

Dopamine is released every time we successfully solve a puzzle — or even just get one piece in the right place. This encourages us to continue working on solving them and challenging ourselves.

Lower Stress Levels

At the same time that puzzles challenge us, they also help us to relax.

Our brains also go from a “Beta,” or wakeful, state to an “Alpha” state when we’re solving puzzles. The Alpha state is similar to the state we’re in when we’re dreaming.

This shift in consciousness comes with many benefits, including:

Ability to make deeper connections

Improve our mindset

Relieve stress

Improve mood

Increase our self-confidence

Increased Attention to Detail

When you’re trying to solve a puzzle, especially a jigsaw puzzle with tiny pieces that all look alike, attention to detail is crucial. You need to train your eyes to pick out slight differences in color or shape that will help you put everything together.

An ability to pick up on small details helps in every aspect of our lives, especially at work. When we’re more detailed oriented and precise, the quality of our work improves.

Increased Productivity

When we’re happier and less stressed out, it’s easier for us to concentrate. When our concentration improves, our productivity naturally skyrockets.

If you’re struggling to stay on task at work or school, consider taking a short break to solve a puzzle and reset your brain.

Many offices are actually starting to include jigsaws and other puzzle games in their breakrooms. These puzzles let employees take their minds off work for a few minutes and come back refreshed and ready to go!

Better Collaboration

If you’re looking for another reason to incorporate puzzles into your workplace, tell your boss that they’ve been proven to build collaboration between coworkers.

Researchers at Yale University found that giving people the opportunity to work together on solving puzzles allowed them to improve relationships and their abilities to cooperate to finish a task.

Start Reaping the benefits of jigsaws today

Cyclothymia

Cyclothymia
Cyclothymia, or cyclothymic disorder, causes mood changes – from feeling low to emotional highs.

Cyclothymia has many similarities to bipolar disorder.

Most people’s symptoms are mild enough that they don’t seek mental health treatment, or the emotional highs feel nice, so they don’t realise there’s anything wrong or want to seek help.

This means cyclothymia often goes undiagnosed and untreated.

But the mood swings can affect daily life, and cause problems with personal and work relationships.

If you think you have cyclothymia, it’s important to seek help from your GP.

People with cyclothymia are at risk of developing bipolar disorder, so it’s important to get help before reaching this later stage.

Men and women of any age can get cyclothymia, but it’s more common in women.

Symptoms of cyclothymia
If you have cyclothymia, you’ll have periods of feeling low followed by periods of extreme happiness and excitement (called hypomania) when you don’t need much sleep and feel that you have a lot of energy.

The periods of low mood don’t last long enough and aren’t severe enough to be diagnosed as clinical depression.

You might feel sluggish and lose interest in things during these periods, but this shouldn’t stop you going about your day-to-day life.

Mood swings will be fairly frequent – you won’t go for longer than 2 months without experiencing low mood or an emotional high.

Symptoms of cyclothymia aren’t severe enough for you to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and your mood swings will be broken up by periods of normal mood.

Treatment for cyclothymia
Treatment usually involves medication and some kind of talking therapy (psychotherapy).

The aim is to:

stop the cyclothymia developing into bipolar disorder
reduce your symptoms
stop your symptoms coming back
You’ll probably need to continue this treatment for the rest of your life.

Medications
You may be prescribed:

medications to level out your mood (mood stabilisers)
antidepressants
Mood stabilisers include:

lithium – commonly used to treat bipolar disorder
anti-epileptic drugs – such as carbamazepine, oxcarbazepine or sodium valproate
Antidepressants may help improve your low moods, but they may cause you to switch to the other extreme of hypomania.

Recently, some antipsychotics such as quetiapine have also been used as mood stabilisers.

But not all people with cyclothymia respond to medication.

The charity Mind has more information on lithium and other mood stabilisers.

Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), can help with cyclothymia.

CBT involves talking to a trained therapist to find ways to help you manage your symptoms by changing the way you think and behave.

You’ll be given practical ways to improve your state of mind on a daily basis.

Further support for cyclothymia
Find your nearest mental health support service.

You may also find it helpful to join a support group so you can talk to others who share your experiences and problems.

You can ask your mental health service or GP if there’s a local group you can join.

Read about depression support groups.

Other organisations that can help include:

Bipolar UK
Mind
Rethink Mental Illness
Living with cyclothymia
It’s not known how many people with cyclothymia will go on to develop bipolar disorder.

But some people with cyclothymia see their elevated or depressed moods become more severe.

Other people will find their cyclothymia continues and they need to manage this as a lifelong condition, or that it disappears with time.

Causes of cyclothymia
The causes of cyclothymia aren’t known, but there’s probably a genetic link because cyclothymia, depression and bipolar disorder all tend to run in families.

In some people, traumatic events or experiences may act as a trigger for the condition, such as severe illness or long periods of stress.

Closure

It might seem impossible right now, survivors, given where you are, but one day it’s entirely probable that you’ll be able to look back on the abuse you endured as just another chapter of your story, and not the entire book.

This is called closure. It doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten what happened—that’s not realistic—and it doesn’t mean you’ve forgiven your abuser (cue hilarious laughter from survivors). It also doesn’t mean you’ve healed completely and have no residual effects from the abuse.

What closure means to many survivors of intimate partner abuse is that they’re moving on. They’re starting anew. They’re walking themselves, scars and all, into a safer and healthier future.

This future may or may not include a new relationship. Many survivors like to take time after leaving an abusive partner to make sure they can make safe, healthy decisions about the next partner that comes their way.

To Find Closure

After surviving rape and abuse from a dating partner at 18 years old, Beth Baumann shared with us in her survivor story that she found closure through witnessing the strength of other survivors.

“My closure came from talking with other women who had been through similar things and seeing the kind of strength that can come out of it … and learning how abusers use all their different tactics. It made me go from victim to survivor.”

And Diane M. told us that she has yet to find closure, but hopes to someday by helping other survivor moms at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference.

“I hate thinking ‘woe is me’ so much. I’m not getting closure and I just want to help other people.”

Be it altruism, time, space or just some tough love self-talk, closure is a personal journey that can look different for every survivor. That’s why we asked our survivor readers to share with us what worked for them after abuse.

“I escaped after 25-plus years of emotional abuse. … I am attending college and it’s the best thing I have ever done for myself. I graduate in June with a BA in psychology and a minor in criminal justice. … I want to be an advocate for those who cannot advocate for themselves.” – Jennifer

“I hid. For 4 years. I built myself up. Paid for a killer shark attorney. I got closure the day I sat in that court room while the judge raked him over the coals.” – Leah

“Deleting all contact information and pulling away contact from ‘his’ friends that became your friends. Unfortunately, all ties to the abuser need to be cut or moving on is very difficult.” – Alissa

“My journal [became] a book … and as I went on a book tour for a year I heard so many stories [so] I wrote a second book!” – Patty

“I allowed myself the painful process of healing and learning the importance of boundaries in every part of my life, which is hard because I’m naturally a helper to others. Allowing myself to see I was just as important as anyone I would be happy to help was key to me stepping away from that part of life and moving forward.” – Renee

“Counseling, good friends and family reminding me I deserved better, and time has helped me.” – Heather

“Cutting the ties and connections to all those who I have learned to realize were toxic relationships and cutting off all communication with them.” – Holly

Five Tips for Moving Forward

Looking for closure for yourself? Start with these five tips from The National Domestic Violence Hotline:

  1. Cut off all contact with your abusive ex-partner. If you need to get something off your chest, write it in a letter, but don’t send it.
  2. Surround yourself with support. Consider joining a support group, talking to a counselor or reaching out to a domestic violence advocate who will listen.
  3. Take care of yourself. Here are 52 ways to make yourself a priority.
  4. Remember that you will get better with time. You don’t need to rush the healing process.

We’ll add one more: look forward, not back. Read, “Why Survivors Should Set Goals for the Future” for more on that.

Panic racing thoughts tip

Within the body, the feelings of panic are very distinct and visceral; there may be rapid breathing, a pounding heartbeat, and many other pronounced physical sensations. Equally panic affects the mind with a strong array of emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Panicky feelings can arise as quickly as a flash of lightning and send powerful waves of impending doom that render you feeling out of control and not knowing what to do. Sometimes those feelings are beyond reasoning, for it feels as though they come out of nowhere. Other times, there may be unacknowledged emotions, wounds, or traumas from your past that have yet to be worked through with meaning and healing. Whether the origin of your panic is known to you or not, panic affects your body and mind.
Mindful inquiry meditation can help you deal with emotions and feelings of panic.

Stalking false accusations.

What to Do and Not Do

If you learn the police are investigating you or you are charged with stalking, you should retain an attorney as soon as possible. Be prepared to give your attorney any information you have about the case, the victim, and your relationship with the victim. There also are several things you should not do if you learn you are being investigated for or charged with stalking. For instance, you should not: try to talk to the victim about the case or have any contact with the victim talk to law enforcement or other investigators without an attorney present, or give any evidence to law enforcement without consulting with a lawyer first—even if you believe the evidence will show you are not guilty of the alleged crime.

 

You might wonder as you listen, is this person truly seeking wellness, self-protection or justice or is the goal to destroy someone else? If a person is lying to hurt someone else it is a very aggressive act and the accuser needs help. Such choices do not foster a healthy existence with generous, loving relationships. You might hear a tale of woe, and just have the feeling that the teller is not all that woeful. Maybe there is a need to blame or malign for secondary gain: attention, fame, money, importance or drama. Maybe the person is not in touch with reality and is retaliating against an imagined transgression. Some seemingly intact people can have paranoid fears at the core. In order to “defend” themselves they act against others. Maybe the goal is to take someone else down for competitive, regressed, or even unconscious reasons. They just want what the other one has. Making a false accusation in a public way is an aggressive act. In the movie The Bad Seed, a sociopathic child has an angelic demeanor and manages to destroy many lives. Sweet faces, soft voices and tears can hide sadistic impulses. If you know someone like this, the best thing you can do is steer clear and build up your own life in a positive, separate way. Time takes away the sting, people eventually figure out the truth and recovery is possible. You may be stronger, better, savvier after you get out from under this mess you did not create.