Taking matters to heart

Sometimes therapy is used to reframe thoughts so that we can move on from feelings from hurt and pain.

Some actions and words may be far deeper, far more traumatic and processing the pain through art therapy and Trauma therapy may be more successful.

Do you get the feeling that sometimes some people talk in a condescending or rude way, and say certain things that don’t necessarily make you feel self worth? How do you move past that?

It maybe helpful to acknowledge that friendships don’t have to take from you, if it doesn’t give back, if it doesn’t appreciate the energy and time you’ve put into it.

Sometimes thoughts and rudeness can be a projection of the person’s perception, even if they have had a bad day, perhaps it’s time to create a safety space until you feel comfortable to open up to them.

It can be hard being vulnerable when people let you down, ask yourself, am I trying to seek closeness and intimacy and connection with a person who fails to value me? Does it risk me losing face in the long term? If so, can I really trust this person anymore? What information can I trust them with? What information should I conceal?

If you can imagine times where a person may have developed an unhealthy bond with a carer or confidant, and they experienced a resistance coming from this person, words of disapproval, then all of a sudden, they gave breadcrumbs of acceptance, and it boosts your feeling of self worth, it maybe time to step back and ask, why am I drawn to such patterns of behaviour? Therapy is daunting because it challenges the very reality of safety we are in. It reconstructs the idea that the universe revolves around others. It prioritises your fulfillment.

Your associate tells you off infront of others…..

Ask yourself, what else could this comment mean, if I could use my power to reframe it, how can I regain control over the situation, and re-interpret it? Because, I no longer want to give this person anymore control than I have to over how I feel. It doesn’t mean you have to change your situation, but it may develop your inner coping tools in the long run.

When was the last time you rewarded yourself for taking comments in a constructive way, when did you fight the anxiety and feeling of shame? It is okay, to celebrate your criticism being called out, why? may you ask? because it’s something to learn from and work on, and today someone disapproves but tommorow you may have an admirer in the skill you worked on and gained. I remember the time when I was informed that I had to switch my upscale, comfortable dorm room for a dumpy, disorganised corner in a room of 9 students. I remember just moving on, and not being bothered because I was there to study, my room mate was shocked at my reaction. For months leading upto this event, my room mate was breathing down my neck almost on a daily basis, because our schedules were so different. i was a late night reader and eager early riser, and my room mate really needed her sleep and her comfort to study. Sometimes I would walk up a high external staircase just to let her rest in our room during lunchbreak, so i could catch up on my studies. I didn’t spend as much time being as image focused as she was, and more focused on getting the extra reading done. When I had to move, I told myself “the universe is speaking to me.”, it was a defining moment. i had to put up with her asking former classmates what i was really like because she just didn’t understand what planet I was on. and I was in fact much happier, bonding with new friends, who actually accepted me for my imperfections. Yes that’s right, next tip, you don’t have to please everyone, and at the same time, being bluntly honest may allow others to cross your boundaries, so be careful.

You are not defined by your mistakes, you can always get an outsiders perspective to reframe the situation, just to see if there was any fairness. What if you now looked at the situation as a third party? Does your view change?

Your self worth depends on you and no-one else. No small or large number of followers, or sales or prestige means more than it should. You are real and your energy is genuine. It is okay to be you.

Photo by Juliana Stein on Pexels.com

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